Pac 12 Football As Fireworks


Happy 4th of July! Stay safe out there and keep all your limbs away from things getting ready to explode. This 4th, I thought it would be fun to do a comical column on what it would look like if the Pac 12 football programs were represented by the fireworks you see every year.

There are all sorts of fireworks giving lots of material for humor. To be somewhat impartial I worked on this article with Michael Castillo from, he covers USC. They point fun at every school so remember this is meant to be comical. Don’t take it as more than a joke. Don’t be that guy that leaves a hateful comment just to be a troll. Though, feel free to come up with more firework jokes.

Here are our Pac-12 Football Programs as Fireworks, in order of placement from last season:

12. Oregon

The firework that gets higher than any other and thus is illegal in 49 of the 50 states.

11. USC

The loudest, most flashy firework money can buy.

10. Stanford

The firework that is extremely bright, and has so many buttons to make it fire that only Luck can get it to work.

9. Washington

The one that you can see go up into the air and you keep waiting for it to explode, you assume it won’t go off, and then when everyone looks away it scares the pee out of you


Is the one that Rick Neuheisel is betting on to win.

7. Utah

Is the roman candle the kid is lighting off in front of you that everyone wonders how that got into the show.

6. California

Isn’t one, the state can’t afford it.

5. Arizona State

Is the casecading one that falls like a dramatic willow tree.

4. Oregon State

A smiley face.

3. Arizona

Is the one that looks like a scud missle. Plenty of promise but it goes no where.

2. Washington State

The firework that shoots straight up in the air, loses momentum, falls back to the dock and starts a fire. Coug’d it.

1. Colorado

Shoots out a crazy looking animal…that’s upside down.

Have a fun and happy 4th of July!