SHOCKER: Knight, Oregon Steal Romar Away from Montlake


(NOTE: This article was mistakenly credited to another one of our staff writers earlier. My apologies for the mistake — I’m still pretty shocked by the news.) Not sure how he did it, but staff writer Tim Keeney Griffin Bennett got the scoop on all of the local media outlets on last night’s crazy, late-breaking news.

by Griffin Bennett – Staff Writer

Word out of Eugene is that Nike honcho and Oregon alum Phil Knight has just returned from a meeting with Lorenzo Romar. The Oregon Dispatcher is reporting that Knight offered Lorenzo Romar a deal “that he couldn’t refuse” to become to the new men’s basketball coach at Oregon.

They have apparently agreed to the first-ever “open salary” contract in NCAA history. Knight, the founder of Nike, will give Coach Romar blank checks that he can fill out with whatever amount he feels that he is owed, based on the team’s performance.

When asked what amount Knight thinks Romar will write on each check, he said “He threw out $3 million. However I believe he meant monthly, not biweekly.”

After flying up to Seattle in his Nike dirigible, Knight met with Romar at his house and presented what’s already being call “The Godfather Offer.” In Montlake Madness’s exclusive interview with Coach Romar, he said Knight “brought a notebook with him that had scribbled sketches of new uniform ideas. He’s very artistic actually.”

Romar added, “He showed me the layout of their new arena. It’s quite impressive. Did you know if a non-Duck fan attends the game that the seat in front will automatically spit on them? That’s as Duck as it gets”

When we asked Coach Romar about what Knight said he expects out of him, he said that the men didn’t discuss much about expectations, other than saying that NCAA Tournament appearances were a must. Romar did add, though, that “the only thing he made me promise was that I wouldn’t take any vacations to Mexico. I thought it was a strange request, but there’s always Hawaii.”

After trying to pry loose Michigan State’s Tom Izzo, and missing out on Minnesota’s Tubby Smith, Knight has decided that he won’t lose another coach. This is where the idea came up to literally open up his checkbook, and “do what I needed to,” he said. Other reports earlier in the week stated that Knight even made a call to legendary coach John Wooden, but his reported response had nothing to do with basketball. “Oregon? Isn’t that where my buddies Lewis and Clark went a couple years back? How the heck are they doing?”

After persistent questions about who Oregon will hire as its athletic director, Knight’s response was “In order to cut costs in these troubled times, I’ve decided to run it myself for free. We all have to do our part and I guess I will have to sacrifice as well.”


And, in other related news today, Terrence Jones returned from the McDonald’s All-American game this morning and arrived at Jefferson High School driving a brand new Range Rover with the license plate “NITESBOY.” He has scheduled a press conference this afternoon at 3 pm where many believe he will announce his decision to sign with Oregon.

It’s a sad day in Husky Nation today. Oh well, at least we don’t live in Eugene.

And, uh yeah. . . Happy April Fool’s Day!

Thanks for coming!